Freedom from financial stress. Perhaps freedom from pain - from physical or emotional stress or discomfort if that is in play. And perhaps, there may be a desire for freedom from a relationship.
It's interesting, especially in the United States, people seem to think that everything is greener on the other side of the fence!
'If I just had more money, everything would be okay.'
'If I won the lottery, that would do it right there.'
We have this imagination of things getting better: if I got married, if I had a baby, if I got divorced. Whatever it is, we have a tendency to think that freedom comes from outside of ourselves.
But the truth is you can never feel free with anything outside of you. Even extensive wealth - if you're not free and trusting inside.
There's a very dynamic relationship between freedom and trust, and I want to talk to you about that today.
*Full video transcript follows*
My name is Linda Frazee and I have been working for 40 years with people who are individuals, as well as corporations, and government agencies all around the country - in the United States and occasionally in Europe as well. And what my focus has been is helping people find success and satisfaction in whatever they're doing, which freedom is always a big component. However, success without satisfaction is empty, and you can't have freedom without trust.
I didn't come by this just out of the blue. I've experienced it myself. So very often people will say to me, 'well, I'm not a very trusting person.' So if in case you think you're not very trusting, I always remind them that they drive a car. And most people do. Every time you drive a car, you're trusting! You're trusting that somebody is going to stay in their own lane. You're trusting that the traffic lights will work. You're trusting that you won't be in an accident, even though the statistics are great, much greater, of you having an accident in a car than in a plane.
People get scared on planes for fear because now they're really out of control. But the truth is you're trusting every day you get in the car, you're also trusting every time you want to breathe that there's enough oxygen, you don't even think about it. It's just automatic. And for most of the time that's true. So why is it that we forget that we're safe and that we can trust?
Well, the first thing is that our brains are wired up to remember the times that we were hurt, bullied, disappointed, misunderstood, abandoned, whatever our story is. That's how we survived as a species. So there is always this point that we can go back to if we're not careful.
In the system of the Enneagram that I teach, which is about different personalities, nine different personalities, there's a predetermined genetic predisposition that helps us guide us with our fear as well.
Now, in my case, my predisposition was to be shy and to be very afraid and to doubt myself. So I got married very young - and even though there were lots of signs that that was not going to be a good relationship for me and the children I eventually had, I ignored them. I went into it anyway. Well, because I was thinking I was very wise at the grand old age of 16, I thought I really knew what I was doing! You know, at that age, you know everything! So you think!! So, I had to develop. It took me 14 years to get out of a marriage. It really didn't work for me or my children.
Now what helped about me getting that freedom from the marriage was trusting myself! So certainly - education helped. Maturity helped, cause who knows what they need at 16. So maturity and education, and having people validate that I was good at other things besides just being a mother to my children, and getting support for my dysfunctional ways, and therapy of course! Learning to really be who I was. But it still took 14 years.
You don't have to take 14 years. And I'm not recommending that, but I do want to talk to you about the relationship between trust and freedom because it took me that long to really truly trust myself that I could go out into the world with a different viewpoint.
Now the Enneagram, this personality system that is - I believe - the very best on the planet at the moment, has nine different ways of mistrusting, and I want to just tell you a little bit about each one of them.
(1) The One doesn't trust the world or themselves if things 'aren't right'. There's a right way and an internal standard that they hold that there should be a right way and if it's not that way, it shakes their trust.
(2) The Two doesn't trust people who don't reciprocate their giving because twos are so giving that they feel like other people should be giving back to them and so they began to feel hurt and mistrusting of other people.
(3) The Three doesn't trust that they can just be authentic in who they are and just be relaxed and maybe not producing anything - and still be loved and accepted.
(4) The Four doesn't believe that there is anybody out there that is going to really accept their authenticity and their uniqueness. So they retreat and feel like they're just going to be shy and just kind of hide in a corner.
(5) Sometimes the Five doesn't trust people who intrude upon their precious resources of time, energy, and money. An intrusion could be just somebody knocking on a door that they hadn't invited. So the intrusion is a big thing.
(6) The Six just doesn't trust authority in general and even their own inner authority, which can get them into trouble in a variety of ways, and keep them from a having an inner sense of freedom.
(7) The Seven doesn't trust their deep inner feelings on the pain of others, and tries to escape that all the time. That creates another lack of sense of freedom for them internally.
(8) The Eight doesn't really believe that they can be as truly vulnerable as they are and still be loved.
(9) And the Nine tries to escape from the standard of just 'going along to get along' and in that, doesn't initiate, and doesn't trust that they can really be good enough and that they really matter just as they are now.
Those are just snippets of ways that the various types block themselves from trust.
If you'd like to know more, if you'd like to find out how you do that, please visit my website (below) and check out the five free videos that are there. You can begin the process of finding yourself on the system.
Free 5-Video Series: What is the Enneagram Anyway?
I am looking forward to staying connected. I respect your privacy and will never share your information. If you prefer to call me direct, please call 602-686-6313.