Hi everybody, this is Linda Frazee. I want to talk to you today about reaching your goals and some of the things that get in your way.
You know, our motivation is really important when we start something new, and the Enneagram is a personality system I teach that helps you get down to that deeper motivation. It's interesting because there's nine different types of personalities on the Enneagram and those nine types are in three different 'centers'.
The first center is the heart types, which is the emotional feeling types. And then we have the mental types, which are the thoughtful ones that are sometimes called the thinking types. And then we have the kinesthetic or body types. So there are three different centers of the Enneagram.
When it comes to reaching your goals, there are challenges and there are strengths for each one of those types, and I want to give you an illustration - one of each of those types in each center.
So let's start out with the 'ones'. If you're a 'one' - that's sometimes called the perfectionist or the reformer. In the Enneagram vernacular you are very, very good at staying on purpose when you set a goal because you're a black and white thinker and you're either in or you're out, and boy, once you jump on that bandwagon of like, 'okay, I'm in', boy, you're there! That dedication that you have as a one will really hold you strongly to your goals. So that's a great advantage.
Now, what gets in the way is the fact that, let's say, as an illustration, a one or the reformer, is they set themselves up to exercise five times a week and they're doing really well, but for one day they miss, they don't get there for that fifth day. It's only four days. And so instead of saying, 'Oh, well I missed one', because they are tend to be very self critical. That internal critic starts saying, 'well, you didn't do it right. That isn't okay. You've got to do it five days. You missed a day. That's not okay'. And so even though the rest of us might not see that - inside that's working with this Enneagram type one. And then they can say, 'Oh, well, I, I blew it. I blew it because I didn't do it perfectly'.
The word reformer comes from the idea of always believing 'I could have done it better'. So they can actually fall off the program of exercise that they had chosen and just decide isn't worth it because of that. So what's the antidote for someone who has that proclivity? Well, the antidote is being gentle with yourself! Realizing that you can be off your mark just a little bit and still do very well and continue and be successful, and just that gentleness with yourself is a really high goal for an Enneagram one.
Now let's move to another center. Let's go to the 'heart' center. And there we have the 'four' who is a very emotional character. The four is someone who is not a black and white thinker. They're a great thinker. So what they're always focused on is compassion and feelings of others and being highly attuned to other people's thoughts, which makes them very helpful in a troubled situation and makes them very sympathetic and compassionate with others.
However, because they're so emotional, that if they have set a goal, let's say for food, that they're going to go on a diet, and they've got their plan all set. Let's say something comes up where they're disappointed by a friend, they feel abandoned by somebody, or they imagined that they weren't really thought of highly by someone. They can fall into this highly sensitive emotional sense of 'I'm just not good enough'. And before you know they're eating a cookie. It's an unconscious kind of thing. Like 'where did that come from?' Well, they're trying to sooth their feelings. The four has to watch out for that - being engulfed in these feelings. Even the ones that they don't know, they're subconsciously riding underneath everything.
What's the antidote for that? Well, for our four, it's almost always best to do something - do a plan, whether that's around eating, exercise, whatever it is - WITH someone - because they really need encouragement along the way. It really helps them to know that there's someone they can talk to - be that a person or a group - when they get discouraged - so that they don't act out and sabotage their goals.
Now let's move on to the third 'center'. The third center is that mental or head type center it's called in the Enneagram. And what that's all about is making sure that they're in control, that they've got things going in the right way. So one of the types on that center is a 'six'. Now the six is called the loyal skeptic. And they are very, very good at seeing things as they come along and problems in the future. They have a tendency and a talent for seeing what could go wrong and avoiding it because of being prepared. Being prepared is a really big thing for a six and they're just great troubleshooters in business and in life. What gets in the way of them setting a goal, however, is the fact that they are so busy getting prepared that sometimes they can forget to actually do what they said they plan to do!
For instance, let's say someone wants to start dating this year and that's their goal. A 'six' can get so caught up in preparing that personal profile online that they never really get it done and that that keeps them from getting out of the starting gate and really going on with a possible relationship. So what's the antidote for that? Well, the antidote for the six is to actually find somebody who they can talk to about the goal that can keep them encouraged and remind them that they can do what they want to do, that they've done it many times before in other arenas, and that this is just a slight change. This has to be somebody they feel safe with and they feel that they really respect, otherwise they won't listen to them. It takes a lot for a six to trust someone well enough to tell them what's really going on. But if they really do, they really do need that encouragement because otherwise the proclivity of fear and doubt that runs underneath them can get in the way.
The other thing is of course, is accountability. So with the same person that they're telling their their feelings, it would be ideal as well that they set up an accountability and a strategy about meeting some of the goals along the way. So they get that profile done. And not only do they get out of the starting gate, but they actually get on the racetrack as well.
So if this has been interesting for you and it's made you wonder, 'what am I on the Enneagram' or 'what gets in the way of my type achieving what I want' to please go to my website, LindaFrazee.com and take a look at the five free videos that are there or join my community, which is called Authentic Wisdom. And you'll, you'll see all about that!
Have a good day.
Founder of Authentic Wisdom
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