Hi, this is Linda Frazee and I want to talk to you a little more today about setting and achieving goals. That's something that we're always in the process of doing. And I have some suggestions.
You know, it's interesting that when people set goals - so often we don't really get what we want! We don't really achieve what we want. I believe there's three reasons.
The first reason is we really weren't very serious when we set the goal. It sounded good, we really did want to lose the weight, we really did want to go to the gym. We really did want a new relationship. We did want to start finding a spiritual practice or whatever. However we forgot to add in the element of sacrifice and change! If you're going to achieve something new, you have to change what you're doing.
You have to add a practice, you have to add some time, you have to shift things around. Somehow, everybody is looking for that magic pill to lose weight or someone to just immediately come to the house and help us stay on purpose. And sometimes we can get that, but most of the time there's a sacrifice involved. So the first reason I believe we don't stay on purpose is that we're really not serious. We're serious about wanting result. We're just not serious about what it takes to get there.
The second reason I believe we have difficulty achieving our goals is that we don't set ourselves up to win. We set ourselves up to fail! We don't really plan it out. So you say, 'okay, I'm going to start exercising three times a week.' Well, once again, it has to be taken out of your calendar if you're working, or even if you're retired - you may not be used to getting up. You have to have the right shoes so that your feet don't hurt. You have to think about it. And so a lot of the times we set ourselves up by making decisions and not planning.
For instance, you don't want to start a diet on the couple of days before going on a cruise with all the foods you can eat - that's just setting yourself up. Or you don't want to start an intensive exercise program the day after you recover from a serious illness. Even if the doctor thinks you should start exercising, you have to start small. But if you're a high achiever, which many of you are you, you want to start right out of the gate and keep going fast - and that often doesn't work.
The third reason that we have trouble staying on purpose with goals and that's tension. The tensions that were created when you set a new ideal for yourself.
I have a little illustration here. Some of you have heard the story of the elephant who was tied to a pole and it went around the same pole over and over. And then eventually, they came in and untied the elephant. But the elephant still continued to go in that same circle and didn't realize that they didn't have to do that anymore. This is similar to how it is for us. So here it is. Here's the pole in your life and here's your radius. So you're in that comfortable zone. You go around and around. Then you decide 'I want to be over there.' So you start going over there, 'that's where I want to be.' You can see the tension. So now in order to maintain that - there's tension. To stay like that as you go around in your life, you've got to keep it up and you've got to plan for that.
And that's hard because it's out of your comfort zone. And like that elephant, that doesn't feel natural, it doesn't feel safe. And so little by little you kind of come back in and before you know it, you're back in the comfort zone.
So how do you go beyond that? Well, I have a suggestion. I have a suggestion that it's easier if you start with smaller goals. So here's your your comfort zone again, and instead of saying, 'I want to be out here,' why don't you say, 'let's start here.' If you want to lose weight, let's start with two pounds and then stay with that until that becomes in your comfort zone. And then after you've got that, then say 'let's do two more' or maybe three more. And then over time, what happens? That discomfort that you were feeling and the tension of trying something new and staying on purpose eventually diminishes. Because of success and results, little by little, by really allowing for that gain, the actual tension begins to pull you up towards your goal so you can use the tension for your good to help you - instead of fighting it!
So when it comes to tension and discomfort, nobody likes that! And you see these situations where people have done these amazing things, and they've lost a hundred pounds, they've started this exercise program where they were a couch potato and now they're running a triathlon! They're a triathlete! And yes, people do that. They have to stay on purpose. You may not want to lose a hundred pounds or become the greatest athlete in the world, but just staying with your own goals day after day after day is quite an achievement!
My name is Linda Frazee. I'm an Enneagram coach, trainer and teacher. And I have a website called LindaFrazee.com that you can go to and watch all about a personality type called the Enneagram that will help you find your inner motivation and what gets you stuck. In addition to that, you can join my Authentic Wisdom Community that has lots and lots of resources to help you achieve your goals.
I am looking forward to staying connected. I respect your privacy and will never share your information. If you prefer to call me direct, please call 602-686-6313.